When discussing Byron, one must deal with seductive scenes. The man was a shameless womanizer, and it comes through clear as day in his poetry, usually with hilarious results. In attempting to relate a Byronic seducer to modern times, ol’ Ronny McFargo suggested it to be like saying “Hey baby, I play football for the Vandals [eyebrows up and down with that boink boink noise].”
This was obviously aimed at J., who does indeed play ball for our mighty Vandals. He took it with a humble grin and shake of the head. I like J.
Sniveling Pomp Boy, however, is another story. His response: “Not that that’d get you anywhere,” a bit louder than he apparently intended, as he quickly looked to J. and retracted with “Just kidding.”
But J., the incarnation of Vandal Pride and abused jocks everywhere was not to be appeased by this slippery attempt. He picked up the desk/chair next to him which still contained a flustered grad student, and swung the mass of steel and flesh in an arc straight on top of Sniveling Pomp Boy. As he writhed like a worm on the earth tone carpet, J. picked him up into the air and snapped him in two with a satisfying CRACK.
“IT IS KNOWN TO J. THAT THE FOOTBALL TEAM SUCKETH HARD. BUT HE IS A RARE FORM, ONE WHO IS IN THIS WORLD BOTH AN IDAHOAN ATHLETE AND SOMETHING MORE!!!” he roared, shattering the annoying fluorescent lights in TLC.
He then disposed of the remaining halves of Sniveling Pomp Boy by hurling them through the wall to the ground below, giving our room two much needed windows, and took his seat after slugging a Gatorade and reciting a few lines from Paradise Lost.