How I'm To Be Kicked Out Of The English Department

The scene will of course be Ethnic and Minority Literature. I’ll be sitting in class studying a portrait shot of the Chinese-American author we’re currently reading. Dub Hesser will say “Isn’t this a great, swirling, mystical representation of the Chinese struggle of keeping the traditions of old and facing this new America? Wow. Huh. Striking. What do you think, Matt?”

From the front of the room, I will appear engrossed in the handout.

“Matt?”

I will then furrow my brow at the picture contemplatively, and raise my hand without glancing up. Hessbomb will think “Wow, so engaged in the text, he didn’t even hear his name called but boy oh boy I’m sure whatever he’s got to say is going to be spectacular!”

At which point, after being called on, I will ask “Do Chinese people have eyelashes?”